


Things I'll Never Say

by isurahikari



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Even though there's not actually a sex scene, F/M, Sex warning I guess?, just a hint that it happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:12:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2510591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isurahikari/pseuds/isurahikari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The term 'fuck buddy' had never really meant anything to you, until about six months ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things I'll Never Say

The term 'fuck buddy' had never really meant anything to you before six months ago. Six months ago, 'fuck buddy' was a term you abhorred in the utmost form. 'Friends with benefits' sounded too sleazy, like when you got insurance at a job, but 'fuck buddy' made you sound like a slut. There was really no other way to describe the relationship you had with Luke though, so fuck buddy it was. What a good thing the relationship was secret, you never  _really_ had to clarify what you were to anyone. Well, except to your best friend, who constantly pestered you about where you went every Saturday, and was he treating you well, and for the love of god, don't get pregnant, you were too young for that shit!

You paused putting on your eyeliner, and looked up at yourself with dark panda bear smudgy eyes. Something else people told you was to stop putting on so much makeup, but you felt weak if you didn't have your dark eyes. You didn't want Luke to see you weak...

God, you were so pathetic. Hadn't you heard the horror stories? Don't fall for you fuck buddy! Friends with benefits literally means  _friends_ with  _benefits._ Friends that sometimes gave the other multiple screaming orgasms. You were an adult, dammit! This shouldn't have happened. It's not like you could ever tell him anyway, you'd lose him forever, and you couldn't...you couldn't handle that.  _  
_

Finish your makeup. Slip on a slinky black dress, knowing full well it was going to get slipped off in roughly twenty minutes. Try not to cry. Wear a pair of strappy black heels and drive over to his apartment. Knock three times.

"(Y/N), hey!" Luke engulfed you in a hug, and you breathed in the scent of him, the warmth he radiated, until he let go. "Come in, it's cold out."

"Awww Lukey, didja miss me?" You cooed, tugging him close. He nodded vigorously and nuzzled your neck. You had to be a vixen around him. If he saw the real you, the emotional raw love you had, it would be all over.  _Be strong._

He kissed you fiercely, hooked your legs up on his hips, and carried you into the bedroom. Routine, as it were. And afterwards, as he fell asleep hugging himself, just like he always did, you snuck off to the living room and cried.

Just like you always did.

Your makeup was always a little worn by this, but Luke didn't notice. How could he, when you always assured him that the sweat and heat of the sex wore it off? How could he, when you hid your feelings so well somethings you forgot they were there entirely, until he walked into a room in boxers, with a sleepy grin and messy hair, and you loved him all over again?

In another life, maybe you and Luke would have ended up together. You met him at a college frat party, when you saw him performing on the crappy makeshift stage. Your best friend had dragged you to that party to help forget about your asshole of an ex-boyfriend, and it was the first time you'd dressed up since the breakup two months ago. The party wasn't really that fun, especially because you were refusing to drink, but the band was cool. Cool, but unremarkable, until they started playing Maroon Five and the lead singer choked. 

"I, uh...Why don't you guys play that one?" He'd croaked out, and flashing an awkward smile at the crowd, he scurried off, grabbing a soda. 

For some reason, you ran off after him.

"Hey," you said softly, holding your own soda. "You okay?"

"Aah!" His head shot up, and he accidentally spilled coke on himself. "Shit! I, um,....crap."

"Do you need any help?" You giggling. "'Cuz it kinda looks like it."

"Well, uh...Probably, yeah, but I don't care. You startled me, that's all." He sniffed, and your heart melted. You sat down beside him, and to your relief, he didn't scoot away, just turned to stare at you with wide, crystal blue eyes.

"What's up? You seem upset." You asked gently. 

"C'mon, don't miss out on the party because you're worried about a stranger." He protested.

"And don't be stupid. I'd much rather help someone than hear drunken pick up lines and be persuaded to drink shit that tastes like nail polish remover." You retorted. "I didn't really wanna come to this party anyway. My friend made me get out of the house."

"You didn't wanna come?" He asked questioningly. 

"Hell no! The house is my friend. The house is bae."

He laughed. "Same here. My girlf-  _ex,_ my ex, she uh...we're...no longer together. So this is the first gig I've done in a bit."

"Ohh," You murmured, "I know 'i'm sorry' means nothing, but... I'm sorry?"

"Thanks," he chuckled, "What about you?"

"Oh, me. Blech. Well, I'm in the same boat. My ex dumped, I mean, we...We broke up about two months ago. I'm a wimp for still being sad about it, I know, but we were...he was...Ugh, nevermind." 

"I get it," he said, placing a hand on your arm. A mischievous glint rose into your eyes, a glint you didn't know you had. 

"Do you think...maybe I could try and help you forget about it?"

_Cue take one of the screaming orgasms._

What a stupid idea. If you would have talked to him instead of flirting, if he hadn't been mourning his ex, if you hadn't been bitter over yours, maybe you two could have actually been together. But you took the other road, and slept with him. And if his reaction the next morning wasn't an indicator, Luke would never fall in love with you.

He'd freaked out. Tried to apologize, and stammered out that he 'didn't want another girlfriend' and 'I hardly know you' and you'd  _smiled._ You'd put on a fake fucking smile and said, "Hey, that's cool. I get it. Wanna be  _this_ instead?"

And now you loved him, and he wouldn't look at you twice, not the way you wanted him to. He deserved better, you knew that. A real girl, someone who wouldn't go off sobbing when she remembered how she didn't matter. Luke dserved someone brave, strong, and beautiful.

Everything you weren't.

"(Y/N)? Are you okay?" Luke asked, stumbling into the room. "Are you crying? Shit, what's going on?" He sat down beside you, rubbing your arm comfortingly. You weakly pushed his arm off of you, and choked on your words. You couldn't this, you couldn't handle him in his taco boxers and ripped Nirvana t-shirt. Who were you kidding, you couldn't handle  _him,_ period. You never could! You'd made a choice back at that frat party, and you hated yourself for it. Every inch of you was in love with him. Deep, immortal love that was raw and sweet and  _secret._

Because you didn't know if you could tell him.

Tell him what? What did you want to tell him? A lot of things probably, but the most important being how you felt. How you wanted to sleep by him every night and wake up to his sleepy grin every morning. That his hugs made you feel alive. That you wanted to marry that bastard who played with his lip ring just to tease you, and spend your life with him.

You stood up, heart pounding, and blushed like crazy. Tugging at your messy hair, standing with one of his plaid flannels over your black lace underwear, all traces of eye makeup cried off. This was you now, the real you, and he was finally seeing her. 

"Luke," you stuttered out, "I..." 

Words. The words weren't coming, they were stuck in your throat because you were  _terrified_ of saying them and possibly losing him forever. But maybe, maybe he liked you back? Could he? Or was this a waste of time for him? Were you? What use was it to him how you felt or what you were thinking?! Did you even matter? Did anything? 

Deep breath. Close your eyes. Take one more kiss and wrap his flannel tighter around yourself. Think that everything's going to be okay. 

"Luke, I love you."


End file.
